Sunday, December 12, 2010

What would you do?

My two-year-old daughter has this new thing lately where she comes to any kind of intersection (such as a hallway or door), stops, points, and says "Now which way do I go? This way? This way? Or this way?" Yes, she picked it up from Dora the Explorer. And yes, it's very cute when she does it.

This comes to mind at the moment because I currently find myself at a bit of a crossroads... and I'm not sure which way I should go.

I still have no answers about the post-op "complications" that I told you about. I've had blood work done, and I've had a CT scan done, and both showed no sign of an infection... so I'm pretty sure that's not what is causing it. Good, maybe. But also not completely, since that was the only guess so far as to what it might have been, so we still have nothing.

I haven't been back to the surgeon yet - partly because it was such a headache to try to get him to see me, and partly because I was waiting for the CT results, because I figured he'd want to see everything I'd tried so far. (And partly because I was hoping it would show something, so I wouldn't have to keep trying to figure it all out.)

The good news is that the pain has gotten more tolerable. Most of the time it is less intense now than it was a month ago. I can move quite a bit more, and it doesn't constantly feel like I'm being sliced open. Between the stimulator and the pain meds, and my own self-healing, I'm dealing with it a lot better. The bad news is that it still isn't completely gone. I still can't sleep much, because laying down is still the most painful thing to try to do. (So when I do finally sleep, I wake up in even more pain.)

So on the one hand, I could keep trying to get the surgeon to see me. If he does, there is a chance that he will be able to figure out what's wrong, and help me fix it. There is also a chance that he will have no clue. He may run more tests, which may or may not tell us anything. Or he may just stall some more and hope that everything works itself out without any effort on his part. (Doctors have been known to do this.)

On the other hand, I could just give up on the doctors and continue dealing with this on my own. (Like I said, it is getting better. Maybe eventually it will just work itself out.) But what if it doesn't? How long do I "just keep dealing" with it? What if there is really something wrong that needs to be fixed, and having it go un-fixed is going to cause more serious problems down the road?

I honestly don't know what I want to do at this point. (And I only have two hands, so I can't really lay out any more options.) So now I'm asking you...

What would you do?