Sunday, December 12, 2010

What would you do?

My two-year-old daughter has this new thing lately where she comes to any kind of intersection (such as a hallway or door), stops, points, and says "Now which way do I go? This way? This way? Or this way?" Yes, she picked it up from Dora the Explorer. And yes, it's very cute when she does it.

This comes to mind at the moment because I currently find myself at a bit of a crossroads... and I'm not sure which way I should go.

I still have no answers about the post-op "complications" that I told you about. I've had blood work done, and I've had a CT scan done, and both showed no sign of an infection... so I'm pretty sure that's not what is causing it. Good, maybe. But also not completely, since that was the only guess so far as to what it might have been, so we still have nothing.

I haven't been back to the surgeon yet - partly because it was such a headache to try to get him to see me, and partly because I was waiting for the CT results, because I figured he'd want to see everything I'd tried so far. (And partly because I was hoping it would show something, so I wouldn't have to keep trying to figure it all out.)

The good news is that the pain has gotten more tolerable. Most of the time it is less intense now than it was a month ago. I can move quite a bit more, and it doesn't constantly feel like I'm being sliced open. Between the stimulator and the pain meds, and my own self-healing, I'm dealing with it a lot better. The bad news is that it still isn't completely gone. I still can't sleep much, because laying down is still the most painful thing to try to do. (So when I do finally sleep, I wake up in even more pain.)

So on the one hand, I could keep trying to get the surgeon to see me. If he does, there is a chance that he will be able to figure out what's wrong, and help me fix it. There is also a chance that he will have no clue. He may run more tests, which may or may not tell us anything. Or he may just stall some more and hope that everything works itself out without any effort on his part. (Doctors have been known to do this.)

On the other hand, I could just give up on the doctors and continue dealing with this on my own. (Like I said, it is getting better. Maybe eventually it will just work itself out.) But what if it doesn't? How long do I "just keep dealing" with it? What if there is really something wrong that needs to be fixed, and having it go un-fixed is going to cause more serious problems down the road?

I honestly don't know what I want to do at this point. (And I only have two hands, so I can't really lay out any more options.) So now I'm asking you...

What would you do?


  1. I think because of the nagging questions you have about there possibly being something wrong that needs to be fixed, maybe you should go ahead and see the surgeon. You can then express your concerns and let him tell you if he thinks it warrant further consideration considering you have been improving. Who knows? He might be able to help even a little in reducing the pain so you can sleep.

  2. Still try to see the surgeon. Ask questions, ask for more resources, ask for input. It's up to you to decide whether a doctor's recommendations seem reasonable and worthwhile. If you don't like what the surgeon has to offer, you haven't lost any of your other options.
    Meanwhile, continue to learn to communicate with your body. You already know that your nerves overreact and hold a grudge. Love what they have done for you, focus the strength you've gained, and guide them to beautiful healing.

  3. Thanks for the advice. I did a lot of thinking (and meditating, etc.), and had *almost* decided that I was healing enough on my own that I didn't want to go through the hassle of trying with any more doctors about this particular issue. Then my body decided that it disagreed with me on that, and very pointedly did its best to remind me that I was in fact not healed yet.

    So... I called the surgeon's office. His assistant reminded me again that once they slice and stitch, they're done with me (unless something goes wrong.) I explained again that the referring doctor seems to think that something might be going wrong (hence the referral) so she agreed to at least talk to the surgeon and see if he wants to see me. Of course he was gone for the holidays, so hopefully I'll hear back next week.

    I couldn't help but be a tad frustrated having to have this same conversation again, but at least -- and you should be proud of me here -- I managed to keep from getting upset. I just told her that all I want is some advice, and his thoughts on whether or not there could be something really wrong that I should be concerned about. Apparently she thought that was reasonable, since she actually sounded like she meant it when she said she'd talk to the surgeon.

    I'll keep you posted.