Because the thing is, mental illness still comes with a stigma. Sure, things are better than they used to be. There are much better treatment options available, and people in general are starting to be more understanding and less judgmental. But we still have a long way to go.
When I was in my early twenties, I was (mis)diagnosed with depression. I had already been suffering from chronic pain for many years, which, understandably, is depressing. But there was more to it than that. And even though I had suspected for years that I might be bipolar, I was too afraid to speak up. Because I was afraid that I might be right. And I was afraid of what it would mean.
After remaining untreated for much longer than I should have, I finally reached a breaking point. And it was during a week-long stay in the mental health wing of the hospital that I was finally diagnosed and began receiving the treatment that I so desperately needed.
Okay, I have to pause here for some incredibly painful honesty. Even though I've come to terms with my illness, and I know, logically, that it's nothing to be ashamed of... it is still terrifying to talk about it so openly. To tell someone that you were hospitalized for mental illness means holding your breath and waiting for the judgment. And the look of "oh, I didn't know you were that crazy."
So even though it's scary, I still have to talk about it. Because the more of us that do - the more that we can be open and honest about it - the less painful and scary it will be.
Okay, I have to pause here for some incredibly painful honesty. Even though I've come to terms with my illness, and I know, logically, that it's nothing to be ashamed of... it is still terrifying to talk about it so openly. To tell someone that you were hospitalized for mental illness means holding your breath and waiting for the judgment. And the look of "oh, I didn't know you were that crazy."
So even though it's scary, I still have to talk about it. Because the more of us that do - the more that we can be open and honest about it - the less painful and scary it will be.
I don't want people to be scared of talking about this. I don't want people to be ashamed, or feel like it's better to suffer in silence than to get help. We should never, ever have to go through this alone.
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A big thank you to ABC Wednesday for inspiring me to share this story. To find more beautiful "B" posts, be sure to visit the their page.
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A big thank you to ABC Wednesday for inspiring me to share this story. To find more beautiful "B" posts, be sure to visit the their page.
How courageous of you! Although, I don't have the same condition as yours, I have been cautious about sharing information that too many people find scary. When I had to fill our my medical history for my teaching job, I was none too happy to complete it for fear of being judged and the probability of its being shared. Thankfully, none of that came to pass, but with its being the 21st century, there are still too many who are uneducated about mental illnesses.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Won't it be nice when we live in a world where we don't have to be scared to reveal things like this? The more people that speak up, the more likely that is to become a reality.
DeleteThank you for sharing this information. It's important for people to understand too frequently misunderstood illness. I don't have a post for B this week but am visiting for the team. Carver, ABC Wed. Team
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Carver. I hope that I've done a little toward starting the conversation that leads to better understanding.
DeleteThis is really BRAVE stuff! I applaud you.
ReplyDeleteROG, ABC Wednesday team
Thanks, Roger.
DeleteGood for you! It needs to be talked about, Been there, done that! The more we talk about it, the more others will begin to understand and the stigma will be removed.
ReplyDeleteExactly! It's scary, but it has to be done. And then eventually, hopefully, it won't have to be scary any more.
DeleteI struggle with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. It's something that's affected me all my life, but because of the stigma, I waited until I almost couldn't function anymore without professional help. I felt ashamed of it for a long time, but now I feel that it's very important to be open and honest about it. I refuse to be stigmatized any longer, because I've made such progress since accepting myself. You're very brave to talk about this online; not only is it important for you, but it's inspiring to others. I applaud your post and your honesty.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I really appreciate the support, and that you were willing to share your own experience. I'm not sure that I can say that I've *fully* accepted myself and my situation yet, but I think this was a big step toward that freedom. I'm very inspired by your progress, and wish you the best.
DeleteI echo Roger's comment. Wow! Funny, just yesterday, a neighbour on the same floor of my apartment building shared with me that she is bipolar. That makes two people in my small world who found the courage on the same day to share something that should never, ever be stigmatized. Perhaps, a sign of positive change. We humans are slow, sometimes, to "get it" but your post as well as those who speak up in other ways are a great help in speeding up the learning process.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing that. I'm so glad that your neighbor was comfortable enough to share her situation with you. (That says a lot about the kind of understanding person that you obviously are, and I applaud you for it.) Hearing things like this makes me hopeful that we are going in the right direction.
DeleteYou took some courage to come out of the box....Many thanks for sharing your story. It's not easy to pour it out like this but you did it and you are aided to continue back in your life. Love and Hugs. http://paint-my-word.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteThank you! I admit that it wasn't easy to do. (I've been thinking about this post for a while, but just couldn't bring myself to do it until now.) But I think it will go a long way toward making me stronger. And I sincerely hope that it will help inspire others to do the same.
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